Close Topic Options

Wonkndeso Xtreme Racer is a car racing RPG fan fiction made by myself (CBA-R35. Also known as Rendy). This fan fiction trails the life of Zen Kusanagi, an 18 year-old driver that have been raced Japanarta GP before but his GT-R Skyline R34 was broken after the race. Some of Zen’s family member became addicted to the "Wonkndeso Racing Scene" and so does his friends.

The Wonkndeso Racing Scene were settle in on the fictional place called “Ndesoland” in the year of 20xx. In this place, the Wonkndeso Racing Scene is getting more intense by racing in shopping malls, water parks, and recreation centres in addition to mountain passes, racing circuits, city streets, dirt areas, and highways. This is said to be the “Weirdest Racing Fan Fiction Ever” for the involvements of shopping malls, water parks and recreation centres as a racing place.

=== PLOT ===

The story is started with Zen Kusanagi hurrying to the Japanarta GP. His three rivals were include Ryoiji Nakamichi the racing master, Markkus Montianen, and a model and a newly-known racer Elicia Hearst were waiting to race him. In the first episode, Zen is driving a Nissan Skyline GT-R (R34 model) but closely when he almost finish the race, his car were broken. Zen became shame to himself and starting from the beginning again by racing back to his hometown Fujiwara Village, the small town of Coreland in order to bring his confidence back.

His brothers and sisters and even his friends were turned from normal into extraordinary people who races for the Wonkndeso Racing Scene. Notable family member of Zen who is considered as the toughest rival in his family are Gabriell Gonzalez, a Latina cover model who is a part of Fabirizo Bonacelli, a Japanese-Italian owner of Bonacelli Telecommunications Corporation who drives Tommy Kaira ZZ-S and Karenina Berhalter, the most famous fashion designer in Chastesburg City. However, he also have his own party of four that consists of Satoru Kapetta the former WGP racer, the young genius Shigeru Kazuoh, and the “Winter Beauty” Petra Hijinska. Together, they combine their powers to win the WGP and conquer the Wonkndeso Racing Scene.

For the characters, there will be an individual thread about the characters.

=== CITY NAMES ===

Japanarta: A cross between Jakarta and Japan. This city offers many challenges for the Wonkndeso Racing scene. The city have potentially big malls and water parks for the races as well as the highways, city streets, and racing circuits

Coreland: This city consists of 3 sections:

- Fujiwara Town: The area located in the Central Coreland. Home to Zen Kusanagi. It has Fujiwara High and Fujiwara Harbor. The masters of this location are Danielle Cromwell and A.J Walters.

- Southern Area: The area that have the names of Wangan Midnight Characters like “Akikawa Valley,” “Blackbird District,” and South Coreland’s finest chicken restaurant “Kuroki’s Fried Chicken” which is a pun of Takayuki Kuroki and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Home to Shigeru Kazuoh. At the intersection, you’ll notice that the East direction from the intersection is to the other city known as “Maineland.”

- Northern Area: The area that have the names of Initial D Characters like “Iketani Street,” “Takahashi Market,” and more. Home to the finest school St. Caris School and the home to Elina Rowleton a.k.a Principal Mademoiselle.

*The below contents are located in different site.*

=== CHARACTERS ===

Characters can be seen on this thread. There wil be new characters every episode so keep your eye for that link!

=== RACE TRACKS ===

The Race tracks can be found on this thread.

=== EPISODES ===

If you want to know which episode is posted, you can see here.

Ep 1: The Beginning
Ep 2: Japanarta Race
Ep 3: The Fujiwara Meteor
Ep 4: The New Wind of Zen
Ep 5: First Race is The Deepest!
[b]Ep 6: The Day Where Danielle gave me Drift Academy!!!
Ep 7: The Tightest Corner of D.A
Ep 8: The Craziest 4-man Drift Out!
Ep 9: Marty's Amazing Technique!

This post has been edited by Rendy on Dec 16 2009, 07:04 AM

Interesting...

But why is everyone so ...short?

Like, no one is above 170 cm.

And by that logic, he would have a hard time driving the GTR...

And why did you tell us that he wrecked his GT-R??

That loses the purpose of it...

Sorry, I'm just afraid that the characters will be too tall.

Anyways, the post has been edited...

Seriously, the Finnish guy and the Czech guy should be 175, at least.

The average height of males in those countries are around there, so they should not be anywhere below the 175 range.

Episode 1: Japanarta Race

The race at the Japanarta Speedway is starting. The starting order is Ryoiji's Evo. III is first, then Elicia's Ford Fiesta is second, and Markkus' 307 is third. While Zen is... 8th place with red car drones placed 4th to 7th.

Announcer: "Get ready guys for the 3-lap race! START YOUR ENGINES!!!"
(All racers started their engines)
Crowd: (screams)
Ryoiji: "Don't bothering me on the road, Mrs. Australian Model."
Elicia: "My name is Elicia!!! Note that Emotional King!"
Markkus: "Come on, can we just straight to the race?"
Zen: "Darn! Eight place! must get into the first place!"
Announcer: "Ready? Set... GO!!!"
(8 cars are running past the starting line)

And the race has started! Drone #4 and #3 have a bad start. Zen overtakes Drone #4 while Ryoiji, Elicia, and Markkus battle for the first turn!



Ryoiji: (drifts in the first turn) "I'm still leading..."
Elicia: "Oh really?"
Markkus: "I guess I'm gonna slide here..."
Zen: "Go full force!"



[Ryoiji: 1st; Elicia: 2nd; Markkus: 3rd; Zen: 6th]

Second turn, Ryoiji drift through the turn but Elicia edged closer! Drone #3 attacked Zen, but Zen could recover! Drone #2 is losing control so the car ran into the gravel. Zen advanced to 5th place.



[Ryoiji: 1st; Elicia: 2nd; Markkus: 3rd; Zen: 5th]

Zen found a hole to overtake Drone #1, and Zen overtakes him! Ryoiji is drifting, but Elicia takes a look up inside.



Elicia: "How's that for now?"
Ryoiji: "Not finished yet!"
Zen: "I'm coming you guys!"

[Ryoiji: 2nd; Elicia: 1st; Markkus: 3rd; Zen: 4th]

Into the hairpin, Elicia tries hard to keep the lead but she couldn't hang on any longer! Ryoiji overtakes her.



[Ryoiji: 1st; Elicia: 2nd; Markkus: 3rd; Zen: 4th]

Ryoiji: "You enjoyed that control, Elicia?"
Elicia: "Dang!"

The last turn of the circuit. Zen edged closer to Markkus, Markkus tries to not letting Zen take his third place. Until the last turn ended, the first lap completed.

Markkus: "Try me, buddy!"
Zen: "I'm not gonna let you!"

[Ryoiji: 1st; Elicia: 2nd; Markkus: 3rd; Zen: 4th]

In lap 2, the first turn and the second turn makes no difference to the racers' positions. Until turn 3, Zen overtakes Markkus outside line.

Markkus: "No way!"

[Ryoiji: 1st; Elicia: 2nd; Markkus: 4th; Zen: 3rd]

Turn 4. Elicia, Ryoiji, and Zen were battling for the 1st place. As the last turn finished, it is now the final lap.

Zen: "I will win!"
Ryoiji: "No you don't!"
Elicia: "Victory are not yours!"

Turn 1 and 2 remains a same position for drivers. Except that Ryoiji and Elicia were battling for the 1st place. Elicia losing control of her car and Zen overtakes her right before the 3rd turn.

Elicia: "Oh my god!!!"
Zen: "Good bye!"
Elicia: "Hey you, catch that red car!"

In the turn 3 and hairpin, Ryoiji became faster while Zen don't wanna lose him. In the last turn, the race is almost end. Zen tried to overtake Ryoiji in the outside line, but suddenly his car stats to spin uncontrollably. Hitting the wall just before he made it to the finish line. But that's not all. He could recover himself but Elicia takes back her 2nd place from Zen and Zen anded up in the 3rd position. Leaving Markkus in 4th place.

Announcer: "GOAL!!! And the winner is, Ryoiji Nakamichi!"
Crowd: (screams) "Ryoiji! Ryoiji! Ryoiji!"
(Ryoiji put his right hand up to emerge his victory)
Zen: "God, that's almost..."
Markkus: "Way to go! What a tight race even though you're finished 3rd."
Zen: "Thanks Mark!"
Markkus: "Well, I cannot make it into the podium. But maybe I'm gonna start practising again. If you want to race together, meet you in Snowdon!"
Zen: "Have a great day Mark!"
Markkus: "Bye Zen!"

After the podium...

Ryoiji: "You know something, maybe you're not tough but 2nd place is really great, for a beginner."
Zen: "Hah, what can I expect more than you?"
(Zen's car suddenly unleashing a very bad-smelled smoke)
Ryoiji: (covers his nose) "Arrgh. Zen, bring your car to the scrapyard! It's broken."
Zen: "What do you mean it's broken?"
Ryoiji: "Your car is overheated!"
Zen: "And why?"
(Ryoiji run away)
Elicia: "He's right. Your car were scrapped after you tried your hard to beat him."
Zen: "I guess you're right."
Elicia: "Don't worry. We'll meet again sometime..."
Zen: "Alright then."

With Zen's car totally scrapped, can he change this car into a new car? Let's see the next episode!

[FYI: This is where Zen scrapped his car after his fight with Ryoiji. Some of the scenes were not illustrated.]

bump.

I posted a new episode of the fan fiction. However, since there's lack of interest regarding to this fan fiction in this site, I moved it on the other forum which is non-Wangan Midnight forum. You can notice the first page has some links to the episodes, the characters, and the tracks featured in this fan fiction.

Once again, Wonkndeso Xtreme Racer is NOT DEAD YET! No more Heights and Weights of characters, just PURE RACING! PERIOD!

Well you have to sell yourself and that means your stores needs to have some sex confrontations

Now now, not everything has to have sex...

Nakedness will do.

Put some weird sex thing on the story and it will be a instant hit.

Nope! This fan fiction is all about racing and life. No sex allowed in the race on in the story, despite I want this fan fiction to become as famous as other.

Nevertheless, please refrain from doing so. Let's get this racing story rated E for Everyone!!

Now in days,sex is rated E now....at least put some sexual inuendos

^ No, I'm refuse it. Sorry friend.

The Tenth Episode

Seriously guys, Kaido Racer and Shutokou Battle don't have some sex scenes. If you wanna ask for it, please refrain from doing so.

He was just joking, dude. Hahahha

^ pwn you kekeke

Anyway, I targetted myself. I will be targetting to reach the 12th episode by the end of December. If I also got my interest on this ignites up thanks to me playing Auto Modellista and Kaido Racer at PS2, I might be go to probably 13th episode.

Whatever, wish I can finish this!

Another episode is posted here.

Episode 12 is up!

Sorry for double/triple post, hence the members here didn't leave any comment (not good as other racing fics).

Hurr! Durr!! GO! GO! GO! The 13th episode is a go!

EPISODE 13: Racing against Fujiwara's Trickster.

10th February 2007
Connection Net, 12:00

The day after Zen defeated Mollie. Bored and curious, Zen and Shark went to Connection Net to find out the info of Brooke Starfields and BBS post. First, the BBS post.

Zen: "I can't believe it!"
Shark: "Mollie finally joins it!"
Zen: "That's great, I wish we have more drivers to come."

As Zen browse through the "Racing Techniques" section, Zen and Shark are curious. So they are checking it to find out.

Shark: "Wow, so useful."
Zen: "Maybe we can contribute something..."
Shark: "Zen, I think we should check Brooke's info right now."

Zen and Shark are trying to browse Brooke's info. But she isn't here. That means Brooke don't have an account yet.

Shark: "I thought she has an account."
Zen: "Maybe she'll have it someday."
Shark: "Alright, let's check to the Bali Village to find out if she's there."
Zen: "Okay."
Shark: "Don't forget the special paper!"
Zen: "Oh, yeah. Hahaha!"

10th February 2007
Bali Village, 12:15

Zen and Shark are waiting for Brooke in Bali Village, they're waiting right in front of entrance gate.

Zen: "She's not here yet."
Shark: "Maybe we should wait another minutes."

As they are waiting, a guy driving Daihatsu Copen pass them. When that guy know that Zen and Shark wait for Brooke, the guy lowers the window and tells them about something related to Brooke.

Copen Guy: "Are you waiting for Brooke Starfields?"
Zen: "Yes!"
Shark: "We are."
Copen Guy: "Brooke isn't here now. I'm a friend of her, she's only appears on Sunday."
Zen: "Why?"
Copen Guy: "She's a college student. She had an extra class on Saturday. She's home at evening so she can't race except Sunday."
Shark: "Thank's for the info!"
Copen Guy: "Don't mention it!" (closing the window) "Glad to help them."

Shark: "So what do you think? Should we come here tomorrow?"
Zen: "Yeah, let's try tomorrow."
Shark: "Okay. Back to the Fujiwara Village."

Shark and Zen goes back to the Village instead.

10th February 2007
Brooke's House - Bali Village, 18:20

At the evening, Brooke is finally home at her house after taking her extra class in school. The Copen guy that helped Zen and Shark hours ago tells Brooke.

Copen Guy: "Brooke, I think there's someone that will challenge you!"
Brooke: "Oh. I think I have another challenger."
Copen Guy: "It is."
Brooke: "Finally, challenger." (sighs)

It is revealed that Brooke didn't race any challenger before for a long time. Hence because she's a Trickster.

11th February 2007
Fujiwara Village, 10:00

The day after Zen and Shark waited Brooke and ended up with an information that Brooke appears every Sunday, Zen, Shark and Marty are decided to have a plan.

Marty: "Okay guys, now I know a thing now."
Zen: "What do you know?"
Shark: "Yeah, tell me."
Marty: "So, do you remember Danielle from the last D.A test we race, Zen?"
Zen: "Yes, why?"
Marty: "She lives in Fujiwara Lakeside! West from this village!"
Shark: "And then?"
Zen: "Which one we should race? Brooke or Danielle?"
Marty: "Just for your information, Danielle is now driving a Subaru Imprezza WRX STi version 4, the chassis code is GC8. And by the way, it's black."
Shark: "We knew it, we heard them from Carrie."
Marty: "No! You didn't see the power of it yet! It is 4 wheel drive, and it's more powerful than your Eighty-six Zen!"
Zen: "Then what the advantages of 4WD cars?"
Marty: "4WD cars are not only stable despite doesn't drift much, but can conquer off-road terrains without any slow downs! Meanwhile FR is a real nightmare on dirt tracks."
Zen: "Uh oh..."
Marty: "Bad news, isn't it."
Shark: "That's bad for us. Which one of us driving an AWD car? Nothing!"
Zen: "Okay guys, let's go to the Lakeside. I hve to race against Brooke now."
Marty: "Great idea, let's go with him!"
Shark: "Sure! Let's race in a new place!"

11th February 2007
Bali Village Front Gate, 10:20

Again, Zen and Shark waits in front of Bali Village's front gate. This time with Marty joins the party. Moments later, A red Honda Civic SiR (chassis code is EG6) appears. As expected, it's Brooke Starfields.

Brooke: "Waiting for me?"
Zen: "Yes! I am waiting to race!"
Brooke: "Well, have you raced 5 rivals and win from them?"
Zen: "I have." *takes out his rival paper and give it to Brooke*
Brooke: "Let me see... Um... Okay..."
Zen: "So what?"
Brooke: "Let me guess, you didn't get Carrie's signature because Carrie hates losing?"
Zen: "Wha?"
Marty: "How do you know?"
Brooke: "Mollie contacted me last night. It's okay, Carrie is always like that, so I give you an exception of her signature."
Zen: "If Carrie takes her losing, this wouldn't be happen."
Brooke: "Forget that, come inside here and let's race. I haven't race anyone since I am in college now."

11th February 2007
Bali Village, 10:30

Brooke: "Your name is Zen Kusanagi right?"
Zen: "Yes."
Brooke: "And you are Zen's friend, right?"
Shark: "Of course we are!"
Marty: "We're on Zen's side!"
Brooke: "Well. I'll tell you what, before college, I was an active racer. But since I am in college, my days are so busy, and so does the Saturdays where I have extra classes. Therefore I only accept racing on Sunday. What's more, I'm looking for a talented racer. So that's why I dub myself as a Trickster here."
Marty: "So why you just racing on Bali Village?"
Brooke: "Well, actually I also race around the lakeside area but Bali Village is my strength. Thus, don't underestimate!"
Zen: "Okay, so what's the route for the race?"
Brooke: "Follow me."

Zen's party follows Brooke to find out what's the starting line look like. Moments later, the starting line is revealed and so does the route.



Zen: "So this is the route?"
Brooke: "Yes. The hairpin is a final turn in this track so, yeah. And because this is a residential area you should be careful because usually in residential areas, the car is parked in front of the house instead of garages. But thankfully because the residents knows that we're racing here, the cars are parked in the proper place. What's more, people are watching!"
Marty: "Wow!"
Shark: "It's like a crowded race!"
Brooke: "So, with these, do you still want to race?"
Zen: "Of course!"
Brooke: "Well, prepare to race against my EG6! I've tuned this car with proper parts to match the course's characteristics!"
Shark: "Show them!"
Zen: "Okay!"
Brooke: "Okay, let's start the race!"

And the race is about to start. About 12 peoples are watching the race at the starting line. What's more, they're supporting Brooke. But is this thing lowers Zen's spirit? No! Zen has Marty and Shark on his side! And the race is about to begin!

Crowd #1: "Yeah! Go Brooke!"
Crowd #2: "Show them!"

Marty appears to be a flagger for this race.

Marty: "Are you guys ready?"
Brooke: "I am!"
Zen: "Let's do this!"
Marty: "Ready? Set... GO!!!"



And the race is started! Two laps around the Bali Village! Zen against the first Trickster Brooke Starfields. Zen seems to take a holeshot from Brooke but Brooke sees an opportunity to overtake!



Brooke: "Maybe you took a holeshot but the race is just started yet!"
Zen: "Huh, let's battle then!"



Zen is able to zoom forward in the inside line! Zen is trying to overtake Brooke!

Brooke: "Wow, you're good, but not just yet!"
Zen: "Okay then, I'll put strength on. Pedal to the metal!"

Right at the straight Zen is outrunned by Brooke but once again Zen tries to drift the corner!



It seems Zen is trying to regain supreme against Brooke in turns!

Brooke: "Heck! Even though I block you, you always have an opportunity to pass me!"
Zen: "I knew my luck will be there..."



Zen already overtake Brooke there, but Brooke's top speed is better so she can have a chance to overtake him necessarily. Meanwhile Zen blocks Brooke from overtaking!

Zen: "How?"
Brooke: "Well..."



Brooke: "Here comes my true advantage!!!"

As Brooke and Zen are about to take on the next turn ahead...



Zen: "Ouch!"
Brooke: "This is what I call as overtaking inside line - hard way."

Zen pulls Brooke on inside line at the next turn just like Brooke did. Now they're heading to the bridge section!



Zen drifts at that section, but Brooke slightly brakes to that section and that leads Brooke to another technique of her own!

Brooke: "Hey you, see this one!"



While Zen almost losing control on his drift, Brooke simply crossing that bridge just by braking before that section! Now Brooke is able to overtake Zen easily!

Zen: "Crap!"
Brooke: "Face it, young boy. That's the Trickster's technique look like."

But despite that fuss, Zen is able to catch her outside line!



Brooke: "Dang, you got on my nerves!"
Zen: "Don't forget, girl. I am an aspiring driver, and I should defeat a Trickster like you!"
Brooke: "Oh no you don't!"



Brooke: "What?"

Marty: "Oh yeah!"
Shark: "Overtake that girl, Zen! We should beat a Tricker!"
Marty: "Trickster!"
Shark: "Whatever..."



It's the final lap now! Brooke has a better top speed so she can overtake Zen on straights!

Brooke: "What do you think of my top speed?"
Zen: "Well, impressive. But I will conquer these turns!"

Shark: "Prove it!"
Marty: "Zen!"



Brooke: "Well, you're not too bad at all kid. But this battle isn't over YET!"
Zen: "Do you think so? I can overtake you in turns!"

Marty: "Nice! Keep it coming!"
Shark: "Overtake her on the next turns!

Both Brooke and Zen are flat out to the second turn which is a left hander. Unlike the first turn which is a long left hander (don't be fool by the roadblocks ), this turn is a short turn. That means Zen can pull off stylish drifts! And as expected, he does....



Brooke: "Dang it! He's too fast in turns!"
Zen: "Well..."

Brooke is able to regain her lead at the long straight after that turn, but not for long as Zen takes the inside line and able to steal her racing line.



Brooke: "What the heck!!!"

Marty: "Go for it!"
Shark: "Nice move!"

Turns later...




Brooke: "Heck! This racer is so fast!"
Zen: "Okay, this is it! The section where I made a mistake on."
Brooke: "I wish he repeat that same mistake. That way, I can regain my lead!"

Zen let off the gas pedal to enter the corner where he had a mistake a lap before. Moments later...



Zen: "Wow, I didn't think before! I think I'm too obsessed at drifting in turns. Maybe I should really brake at any point now."
Brooke: "Crap! He can fix his mistake done at the first lap!"

Now several turns left! Can Brooke regain her lead?




Brooke: "Aarrgh!!! I can't regain the lead! He's too fast!!! Even with my top speed setting!"
Zen: "Top speed setting doesn't help at sharp corners, except with a proper technique!"
Brooke: "Nooo!!!"



This is the last chance! Can Brooke regain her lead? It's a long straight so it's clearly where Brooke strong at! But close to the finish line...

Brooke: "Come on!!!" (steps her gas pedal harder)
Zen: "Crap!" (tries to block Brooke)

Marty: "Come on!!!"
Shark: "Zen!!!"

And the finish line is there! Someone's cross it! And it is...



Brooke: "I think I'm not Trickster-worthy girl now..."

'nuff said.

RACE RESULTS:
1. Zen (AE86 Trueno)
2. Brooke S (EG6 Civic SiR)

Shark: "Zen wins!"
Marty: "Nice!"

All the crowds are cheering for Zen and Brooke. They're applausing their race.

11th February 2007
Bali Village - After the race, 11:00

Brooke: "Wow, I can't believe it. Your techniques are so Trickster-worthy than me."
Zen: "Well, you don't have to be sad."
Shark: "You've raced again since your inactivity! That's why we want to race you!"
Brooke: "Anyway, thanks guys. Pfft..."
Marty: "Okay, I have to ask you one question, do you know Drift Girls team?"
Brooke: "Drift Girls? You mean a racing team organized well by Danielle Cromwell?"
Zen+Shark+Marty: "Yes!"
Brooke: "Wait a minute, I was a member there. Too bad because I have an inactivity I lost my relation between me and the team. That's why I quitted racing and Drift Girls. I have some college stuff to do."
Shark: "Wow, you're so busy."
Brooke: "Yes I know. But I have an info regarding that."
Zen: "What is it?"
Brooke: "Drift Girl's HQ is South from here. Drive until you find the Fujiwara Lakeside Town Hall and wait for Danielle to appear. I think she's most likely appear there by today."
Shark: "Wow."
Brooke: "There's more. Danielle's car is a black Subaru Impreza WRX STI. How many horsepower in your car that you have Zen?"
Zen: "160 horsepower."
Brooke: "She's got 260hp. What's more, it's full stock. You will not stand a chance against her I believe."
Zen: "Uh..."
Shark: "260? That's insane!"
Marty: "How can we get such tuning like that?"
Brooke: "I guess there's nothing I could do except to give you an engine tuning. This would cost many dollars and time. Tell me, what parts you've installed?"
Zen: "I have weight reduction, ECU, Transmission. That's what I have."
Brooke: "Okay, I guess I have to lend my exhaust then."
Zen: "But..."
Brooke: "Well, I was interested in tuning cars since I was active, but well. You can have my muffler then. It can gain you 20hp. This is the only choice I can offer, take it or leave?"
Zen: "I guess I have to take it."
Brooke: "Nice. Well, let's install it at Fujiwara tuning. Let that afro man do the work."
Zen: "Okay, let's go!"
Marty: "Yeah!"
Shark: "I think we should race again!"

Now the race between Zen and Brooke is over, but conquering Fujiwara Lakeside isn't as easy as conquering Fujiwara Village. Therefore, Zen can only trust in his tuning and settings plus technique as a last resort since Danielle has a stock 260hp Imprezza. What the battle will be? Wait next episode!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEXT EPISODE

Danielle shows up! She is now serious to challenge Zen! But the problem is her GC8 is 260hp while Zen's AE86 is not yet reaching 200hp! How will the battle go?

Next Episode: An old rival with an over-powered GC8!

Meanwhile, check out Brooke's profile and the Bali Village track.

Since you asked me to comment on your story, well, here's my *let's call it* review. so Don't take anything you read here seriously. All this is opinionated but it's good if you take these into account as well.

Plot introduction - It sounds something that came out of Need for Speed Underground 2. Although tops for uniqueness in names and setting, it doesn't give the readers that much of a clear picture. It's like saying, 'I live in Quezon City' being a Filipino but you're telling it to a Malaysian; how could he/she know where Quezon City is if he/she has never been there, for example.

I don't know how to put this but, seeing as the descriptions of Wonkndeso Xtreme racer being held in Malls, etc... it's starting to sound like something from that oldies anime about Tamiya mini 4WDs, what was that... 'Let's GO'? Well, it's your call but I suggest going for more natural areas so stick with the touge areas & wangan circuits. If you want rallies, Hokkaido is a very good example. the Other areas like malls and recreation blah, blahs... don't do much justice to your story. The forum readers here are right with one thing, you SHOULD sell yourself. But don't go for their sex recommendation if you plan to do what I told you to. XD

In terms of grammar, I hate to say it but you REALLY need to work on it. Try double checking your grammar on a more updated version of MS Word or have it grammar checked in an online grammar checking software, if there is one.

Episode 1 - There's no way a total noob of the scene starts out with a GT-R. That's just plain suicide. And an Arcade Buff as the king of the WGP? Uhm... no offense, but most contenders have to be true drivers. Ryoji claiming that he raced on a mountain pass already doesn't suffice the fact that he's still an arcade buff. There's just so little relations between real life driving and game driving, although game companies DO make their utmost best to recreate the real feeling.

Episode 2 - There's one thing I've noticed among the characters, they all have an ego. The good kind and the bad kind... Not good. There should be varying personalities and nervousness for somebody who's gonna become Emo King's next possible heir just doesn't cut it. Elicia's sudden change in personality is much too random, especially when Zen overtakes her. She shouldn't just change sides like that. To make the scrapping scene of the GT-R more realistic, it should be at least done during the race. Again, another random phenomenon. GT-R engines just don't overheat right after racing. But if you want to stick with that, I suggest you should've noted that he shifts always on the red zone, letting it stay for a second or two before he shifts. By the way, are they all driving automatics here or manual transmissioned cars? Auto cars just don't break down out of the blue, you know... I mean just like that.

Episode 3 - A random stranger helping Zen out? Utterly suspicious. And a random race between 2 strangers all of a sudden involving the lead character is another downside to this story. No offense meant. There should be a more detailed background of both Garth and Princess Mademoiselle.

Episode 4 - People just don't die from an intense punch such as that; it looks so wrong. And the emblem stone thing just turns it off from the original racing genre. And one more thing, the father should NOT have said that he has 5500. Normally, bragging about how much you have to buy something, especially in used retailers would just entice the person selling to increase the price.

Episode 5 - Math teachers don't say that they're not as smart as their students. WHat's the point of teaching younger people if you claim that you know less than them? And why would his fater just leave all of a sudden? Again, that doesn't make sense. I think it is better that you make things a bit more natural. Not so sure if I'd call this natural in your case but settling things by racing OUT OF THE BLUE just doesn't cut it... well, that's how I look at it. Again, for Shark, a sudden change of character is unnatural. All that for just a math score?

Episode 6 - no comment here. But again, the change of attitude of Zen doesn't give it much justice. Just because he won once in his 86, and that the owner says that he's destined to do something great doesn't give Zen much reason to gloat about it, especially in an unknown territory like Drift Academy.

Episode 7 - A strict teacher saying 'Let's roll' to his students after calling 3 of 22 out... it's like saying "I'll kill you but let's have a drink first". Because of the strictness of Kojiro, the students should at least show a bit of fear, now that they know how Kojiro plays his game. In the first selection, the last person to be called out is Zen; to make things a bit more intense for the hero.

Episode 8 - By the way, it's an 86 - 8,6. Eight Six. Not eighty six. That's why they call it in Japan as "Hachi roku" meaning 8-6. If it is 86, then Japs should call it "Hachi-ju-roku". Danielle changing her hairstyle and everyone making a fuss about it is not a natural scene. The race scene is quite good but... again, dialogues need to be brushed up a bit more, especially the ones during the race.

Episode 9 - Stylish drifts don't make someone faster. I think it should be a 'well-planned out attack' must best describe it. What's good about this episode is the sudden ambush race. you get pluses for that.

Episode 10 - You've done well, taking another Drivetrain's specs into account. A comparison is a best way to further continue a story. But again with the random decision making all of a sudden.

Episode 11 - Race scene only reminds me of Takumi vs Shingo. I suggest you let out less on the car collisions. And I think to introduce a bit of some characters on the paragraph is much needed. A clearer picture during the episode will give it more justice than let the readers go on a hassle to open a new tab and read the character page separately.

Episode 12 - a 6 car race is starting to sound more like Gran Turismo and a tuned S13 shouldn't be troubled by the Kei cars, and only the 86, unless Mollie's a complete pushover and all talk. Nothing wrong that I noticed here but the usuals - grammar is one.

Episode 13 - Well, it's good to showcase the BBS from the Kaido series, so I'd give you tops at that. The race? Despite the images, it's hard for me to grasp the battle. Well, for me, don't rely too much on the images. Try describing the movements of the cars by word, that'll make the readers' imagination run wild as ever to picture the battle.

Overall, here's what I think you should work on.
1. Grammar. A well planned out and grammar-correct sentence definitely would give the edge among other stories and would keep your readers intact for more. Try and use deeper and more cunning words that gives your story much more body. Try and see why Harry Potter or the Twilight series made well by book, it's the grammar that counts.
2. The storyline. It needs some work. Not every episode must revolve 100% on racing. You should at least give characters more life aside from racing. Why do you think Initial D made it this far? They have the balance between what life really is, reality, and what racing really is, the theme. The only exceptions to this rule, with Initial D as an example, is if the opponent of the hero is Good-God godlike; like the hero versus a professional like Tomo Tachi & Sakamoto, not to mention GOd Arm as well. A good example of balance is... take Keisuke vs Kyoko battle. The race began 3/4 way of Episode 8. There's a catch and a balance between both. Each episode doesn't only feature the battle, it must feature what spectators think of it.
3. Character Personality. Someone who started out mean, mostly, finishes up being mean at the end. The only way to show dual personalities is according to these conditions: the person who lost to the hero gives them the impression that he's like someone they knew before, or if the person who lost to the hero has no choice but to change their outlook in order to excel more.
4. Character Outlook. Not everybody in a story should be completely involved, knowledgable, or interested in one thing. There should be varying outlooks about racing. Take Bunta versus the Takahashi brothers in Initial D. THe latter sees racing as serious and that they want to become a legendary pair. Bunta, being a legend, cares less about racing and just treats it as something to kill the boredom. Takumi, especially in first stage, sees racing as a chore. Not everyone should be that addicted or close to racing. Only a selected few should NOT be knowledgable or involved in such. This gives the story balance as well.
5. The Hero. There are two kinds of heroes in a story: (a) A well talented racer who cares less about racing and simply goes on about his business. He has two destinies, with one option only: to keep his outlook on the theme as it is, or to realize his potential and make a goalfor himself. ( A complete and utter noob whos bound to racing and but doesn't have the skills to back all those dreams up. They rely more on something, especially their car, to take them up to the top, hone their skills, and eventually make them the racer that they want to become.
6. Purpose. Not every character in a racing story races for the same purpose. THey all have different motives. ONe may race for money, just for show, just to kill time, to become pro, reminds them of somebody they could never ever dare forget, has an obligation in it, has a mission in it, etc. This supports #4 as well.
7. Technicalities. You need more terminologies said by the characters more. Example: FUllmetal Alchemist and Fate Stay Night. Let's take the latter as an example. Each character describes their background as to why they are a servant and who are they based from. That's a technicality to you.
8. Story balance. You should at least have intermission episodes or battles not related to the hero racing fully for the entire episode. That simply ruins the story. If Kingdom Hearts 2 was straight out fighting and keyblad whacking with no storyline, it'll become boring, right? They really need to have another life aside from racing, as I said earlier.

Well, that's my review for you. Try and get more ideas from other stories, here and on ID forums as to name a few. As an example in IDW, find Sanae's record winning fanfic Dreaming of Akina.

Make your story look more professional in the near future and keep levelling up.

Thanks for the review Gunma man! Now I know why my fanfic is crap, it's because my story is so random and my grammar is sooo bad.

Don't worry, I could improve this by posting the new improved v1.5 version. With a reasonable storyline and no "Noob-Drives-R34" thing and replace it with "Noob-Watches-A-Top-Driver-Driving-R34". And for Ryoiji, I will call him "Arcade Emperor" instead of "Emotional King" since that's the only title given to Motoya Iwasaki.

And yes, some nicknames addition, some renames, and some fix in v1.5.

Once again, I will improve